lessanxiousBy Kristen Beck
When most people think of stress, parenting immediately comes to mind. Late nights, homework battles, emotional meltdowns. But a surprising number of women say it’s their husbands, not their children, who push their stress levels higher.
First a shout out to all of the amazing husbands / dads out there! We know you’re there. This article isn’t about you. It’s about the other dads. The ones that sit on the couch all evening every evening while their wife scrambles to get dinner, homework, laundry and dishes done without breaking down. Let’s talk about those dads, shall we?
1. Nearly Half of Moms Say Husbands Cause More Stress Than Kids
In a survey of over 7,000 mothers, 46% admitted their husbands were a bigger source of stress than their kids. Even though parenting often ranks as one of life’s toughest jobs, relationship stress often rated higher for women. These women rated their overall relationship stress at an 8.5 out of 10. That means nearly half are saying, “My partner drives me crazier than my kids”
2. Marriage Isn’t Just Love. It’s the “Double Burden”
Even when women work full-time, they typically also handle the lion’s share of housework and childcare. This is often called the “second shift” or double burden. Women report doing 33 hours of domestic labor weekly, compared to just 6 hours for husbands in regions like Latin America. In the U.S., mothers still carry most of the domestic workload, even when both parents work outside the home.
3. Lack of Support Fuels Burnout
Survey data shows that 75% of moms feel they carry most of the parenting and household responsibilities. And 1 in 5 say their greatest stress comes not from childcare, but from feeling unsupported by their spouse. That feeling of “doing it all alone,” even when partnered, can be emotionally crushing.
4. Marital Conflict Creates a Physical Stress Response
Research reveals that women’s bodies react more strongly to marital tension than parenting challenges. In long-term partnerships, women experience high allostatic load. That’s the scientific term for the wear and tear caused by chronic stress. Frequent arguments, lack of emotional safety, and ongoing tension are more biologically draining than a crying child.
5. When Your Partner Acts Like a Child
One TODAY Moms contributor said that a husband acting like a seven-year-old is more stressful than a real seven-year-old. Why? Because adults should know better. A spouse who fails to help, argues needlessly, or dismisses emotional needs amplifies stress in a way that feels less forgivable than a tantrum.
6. Marriage Can Be More Stressful Than Raising Kids
A study from the University of Padova found that marriage was twice as stressful as parenting for many women. In relationships where wives handle the bulk of the mental, emotional, and physical labor, 1 in 5 named lack of partner support as their primary source of stress.
So Why Does It Hurt So Much?
High Expectations and Poor Division of Labor
Most women expect help from their spouse. When those expectations go unmet, resentment builds. The “mental load”—planning, remembering, organizing—is often invisible but incredibly heavy. And research shows women carry more of it than men.
Psychological Impact
Ongoing conflict or lack of support in a marriage is linked to depression, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Parenting stress hurts too. But being unsupported by the one person you thought would “have your back” feels deeply personal.
Health Consequences
Chronic marital stress doesn’t just feel bad. It’s medically bad. It’s linked to elevated blood pressure, heart issues, insomnia, and hormone disruption. It can chip away at your nervous system in ways even the toughest parenting days don’t.
The Parenting Paradox
Yes, parenting is hard. One mother counted 234 “Mom!” calls in a single day. That’s about one interruption every three minutes. That level of demand leads to parental burnout, which is real and well-documented. But here’s the thing: even with parenting stress burnout, many moms say the emotional drain from an unsupportive partner hits harder.
Why? Because parenting is supposed to be hard. Marriage isn’t. Or at least it shouldn’t be.
What Women Really Need: Support, Not Silence
The goal isn’t to bash men. It’s to make the invisible labor—and the toll it takes—visible.
Here’s what helps:
- Shared Mental Load: Divide tasks. Make them visible. Use calendars and checklists. No more “just ask me if you need help.”
- Emotional Teamwork: Ask each other daily, “What stressed you out today?” and mean it.
- Me Time is Essential: Research shows alone time reduces depression and boosts satisfaction. It’s not optional. It’s survival.
- Therapy Helps: Whether couples therapy or support groups, talking it out reduces resentment.
- Normalize the Conversation: Women shouldn’t feel guilty or ungrateful for saying “My husband stresses me more than my kids.” It’s real. And it’s valid.
A Word of Validation
- You’re not failing if your husband stresses you more than your toddler.
- You’re not ungrateful for feeling this way.
- Your stress isn’t “in your head.” It’s in your body, your home, your reality.
Final Takeaway
Marriage and parenting are both demanding. But if the person you trusted to share your life is causing more stress than your child, it’s a signal. Not a failure. You need help, validation, and new patterns.
You’re not alone. Nearly half of moms feel this way.
The answer isn’t to keep pushing through.
The answer is real partnership.
And you deserve it.
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👉 Learn about my private podcast: “Less Anxious Life” https://app.hiro.fm/channel/less-anxious-life-podcast
